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Well I've made a decision about leaving DA. I'm sort of bad at making decisions in the first place but I took it into careful consideration and you guys at least deserve to know why I've made this decision.
For a while now I've been considerably less active, artwork has become much more difficult to produce, and my creativity is at an all time low. This is because I have an anxiety disorder and there has been very little head way in finding successful treatment for me. I'm paranoid, hysterical, cynical, terrified and socially anxious as well.
I had to quit my job, I never see my friends, I can't really drive anymore either. And my artwork has suffered too. For me art isn't a way to vent or let out my frustrations, it's something I do that makes me genuinely happy, but my anxiety has even ruined that for me. I'm always terrified that people have expectations of my art that I can't live up to. And despite wanting to do something meaningful with my work, I don't have the capacity right now.
Before you even ask, yes I am seeking treatment for this, but it's been very frustrating and even caused more anxiety for me. I haven't been able to work so money is very tight and the waiting list for the clinic I'm trying to get into is very long. In the meantime I've gone to see a few different people and had to pay an arm and leg for it but they've each been less helpful than the last.
I'm frustrated and I'm tired and DA and all it's immaturity hasn't been much more than another worry heaped onto everything else.
I don't know if I'll leave forever and I'm not going to deactivate my account as of yet, but, like so much else in my life, it's being put on hold until I can get better.
I'll still be on occasionally but don't get upset if I don't answer your message right away. I doubt I'll be posting much of anything. And if we're friends and we don't talk as much, now at least you know why. I haven't had the courage to tell more than a handful of people what's been going on because I didn't want to be bombarded by "advice" or looked at like I was some kind of crazy person. I don't need that. So before you jump on your high horse and try to give me suggestions about treatment or even share your own experiences, just don't. It's not that I don't care about you, but I'm deciding to be focused on myself for once and not worry about anyone else, it doesn't mean I don't love you.
If you want to keep up with me personally feel free to note me and I'll give you my personal facebook.
For now, here's my tumblr: [link]